i just realized that i am going to have to keep doing this forever. it is never going to stop. i am going to have to keep carrying this weight for the rest of eternity and it is only going to get heavier. i am going to have to carry it forever.
permanent is a scary word. it means this: there will be no end. no blissful nonexistence. it is a never-ending hallway of being. i will never be free.
i hate this. existing is so much effort and it is never ever ever going to stop. i am going to keep this up forever. eternity is a burden that i do not want to bear.
i hate this so much.