i just realized that i am going to have to keep doing this forever. it is never going to stop. i am going to have to keep carrying this weight for the rest of eternity and it is only going to get heavier. i am going to have to carry it forever.

 

permanent is a scary word. it means this: there will be no end. no blissful nonexistence. it is a never-ending hallway of being. i will never be free.

 

i hate this. existing is so much effort and it is never ever ever going to stop. i am going to keep this up forever. eternity is a burden that i do not want to bear.

 

i hate this so much.

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